Post by Dan on Jan 19, 2006 16:17:19 GMT -5
Wasn't sure where to put this - seems the Grill is porbably the best. This is somewhat old, but just received it again and it is still very funny and very real - Enjoy! ;D
Pilots Gripe Sheet
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Dan
…it’s great being a kid again – without the glue! ;D
Pilots Gripe Sheet
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Dan
…it’s great being a kid again – without the glue! ;D
